


Tear Your World Apart

by ladybonehollows



Category: Legendborn
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pining, snark to hide feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28039149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybonehollows/pseuds/ladybonehollows
Summary: The visible tension in Nick's shoulders was a reminder that everything had changed. The unconscious sway of Bree's legs as Nick carried her was only tempered by her quiet, even breathing. She'd only needed fluids and not an aether healing, but the image of her lying on William's table hooked up to an IV, the way she'd felt so lifeless in his arms when he'd carried her back through the tunnels… those things left a heavy feeling in his gut, a sensation that he couldn't shake.You fool,he told himself.You absolute fool.-----After the fight in the ogof y ddraig, Sel follows Nick back to his room.
Relationships: Bree Matthews/Nick Davis, Bree Matthews/Selwyn Kane, Selwyn Kane/Nick Davis
Comments: 13
Kudos: 44





	Tear Your World Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Help, I'm consumed by a new thing. Unbeta'd, because my usual beta hasn't read Legendborn yet and I don't want them to be spoiled.
> 
> Speaking of: spoilers for the end of the book.

Shadows danced along the walls, the lanterns that cast them barely illuminating the second floor corridor.  A soft hum of conversation came from a room downstairs, too quiet to be heard by mortal ears.

Sel tuned all of it out.

He watched the broad line of Nick's shoulders as he followed him down the corridor to his bedroom, his eyes having no trouble in the dim light. It was easier than looking at the way Bree's head lolled back over Nick's arm. It was easier than thinking of the way she'd crumpled to a heap in the ogof y ddraig. It was easier than remembering the look of confusion and hurt on Nick's face when the woman he loved had claimed his birthright.

What was  _ supposed _ to be his birthright.

So yes, Sel's eyes remained firmly on Nick's back, solid and familiar beneath his tight sweater. He'd always been larger than life, from the moment Sel had set eyes on him and been told they would be bound together forever.

Reality crept in despite his best efforts, just like it always did. Just like it had when Nick had turned his back on his duty for a facade of freedom, when he'd turned his back on  _ him _ —

Except he didn't think of it like that anymore. He scorned the broken heart of the child he'd been at thirteen.

The visible tension in Nick's shoulders was a reminder that everything had changed. The unconscious sway of Bree's legs as Nick carried her was only tempered by her quiet, even breathing. She'd only needed fluids and not an aether healing, but the image of her lying on William's table hooked up to an IV, the way she'd felt so lifeless in his arms when he'd carried her back through the tunnels… those things left a heavy feeling in his gut, a sensation that he couldn't shake.

_ You fool, _ he told himself.  _ You absolute fool. _

Nick stopped outside his bedroom door, glancing down first at the doorknob and then at the girl in his arms.

He didn't move. Sel was pretty sure he was as big a fool as he was. Wordlessly, he stepped up to Nick's side and reached around him, turning the handle and pushing the door inward.

Nick started, his eyes a little wide as he stared at him. "Oh. I thought…" He shook his head, straightening his features to hide his surprise. It would have worked, had Sel not spent most of his life deciphering his moods. "I thought you were in bed."

He sounded tired. No, it was more than that. He sounded  _ defeated _ . The arrogance and superiority that was part of the foundation of the wall between them had crumbled away, at least momentarily.

Sel understood. He didn't have the heart for the disinterest and scorn that he usually rebutted with. "Not yet." After the events of the night, there was no way his body would wind down for sleep. He knew he should at least try, but first… he had to make sure Bree was okay. That Nick was okay.

None of this felt okay.

Least of all just how  _ right  _ the truth felt.

No matter the antagonism between them, he could never let Nick know that. The truth of the identity of Arthur's scion didn't take away from the connection he had with Nick, but it  _ did _ cause the rest of his reality to click together, like the last piece of the puzzle had been set into place. Bree fit. With them. With him.

Nick held his gaze for a few long seconds. How much of that could he see? He'd always been much worse at reading him than Sel had Nick, but that was by Sel's own design. Now, however, Sel couldn't read his expression at all. To cover up his rising discomfort, he arched an eyebrow at him; a question, a challenge.

Finally, Nick glanced down at Bree, shook his head, and stepped around Sel into his bedroom.

Not expecting an invitation, Sel followed him in anyway.

Nick paid him no mind as he approached the large bed on the other side of the room. This time, Sel didn't step forward to help as he lay Bree on the bed and carefully manoeuvred her until she was underneath the covers. When he stepped back, he rubbed a hand across his mouth as though he were scrubbing away a sour taste. His shoulders rose and fell. "It's not like you to hover," Nick said, without looking back at him.

Sel heard the question beneath the words.  _ Why are you still here? _ It would be easier to pretend not to care, to brush him off. It would be easiest not to care at all, but the universe thought itself a cruel trickster, the way it turned his heart. They had so many new questions, questions that put everything they knew at risk, and he hated that his thoughts kept returning to both Bree and Nick's emotional welfare.  _ Their feelings shouldn't be my priority right now _ , he thought with no small trace of irritation with himself.

Except one of them was the king he was bound to, and the other his true king, and his heart frustratingly and undeniably clung to both of them.

Putting as much nonchalance into his demeanour as he could, Sel nodded toward where Bree lay on the bed without taking his eyes off of Nick. "William said she'll be out for a few hours. Come downstairs and we can start planning how we're going to handle this."

"You think that because my father left you in charge before, that you can still order me about?" Nick's bark of laughter was a shock in the quiet room. Bitterness didn't suit him. "As far as I'm concerned, nothing he said holds sway anymore. You can't —"

"You are the scion of Lancelot," Sel said sharply. No matter what Nick thought, he didn't want to order him about — not right now. He didn't want to argue, either, but Nick riled him up with frustrating ease and he couldn't stop himself from meeting the challenge. Nick flinched as though he'd been slapped, but it was too late to call the words back. Sel powered forward — he needed to hear them eventually. "You are second ranked. The Order needs leadership now, and you can speak for her until she wakes."

Silence stretched between them, long enough for Sel's self-righteousness to dissolve into regret. Nick's mouth was set in a hard line, his brow becoming more and more furrowed. Sel assumed it was anger… until he spoke, and the broken note in his voice revealed it to be  _ grief _ . "Did she know?" he asked, his eyes widening with an earnestness that was painful to watch, especially in comparison to the anger of just a moment ago. "Is this what you found when you… when the two of you were searching for the truth about her mom?"

No, it was his own history that had been changed forever with that adventure, not Nick's. "She didn't know," he said, surprising himself with the strength of his certainty _.  _ She was a poor liar, but it was more than that. Bree had held her secrets close to her chest for a very long time, but when they'd started to spill out, he believed that she had told him everything. Surely she would have told him  _ this. _ And there was no way she would have kept a secret like this from Nick. He reminded himself that, no matter their recent alliance, her heart and loyalty belonged to him. "She wouldn't have kept this from you."

Nick's eyes didn’t waver from him, but he didn't appear relieved. He liked this Nick even less — his helplessness was too raw for Sel to know how to handle. As children, it would have been an easy comfort to wrap his arms around his waist and tell him everything would be okay. The thought of doing so now was laughable. "Did you know?" he asked, taking half a step toward him. He was one wrong answer away from cracking apart, Sel realised with horror. "Sel, did you know? Please —"

"I didn't know," Sel said quickly. The uncertainty in Nick's eyes made his stomach turn. He paused, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a sigh. "Of course I didn't know. I wouldn't lie to you, not about this. Shit, Nicholas, this changes almost everything."

Sel watched as Nick's throat moved in a swallow. He was bracing himself for something. The moment before his lips parted to speak, he knew that whatever it was, he didn't want to hear it. "Nicholas —"

"She's your king now," he said quietly.

_ No. _ "Nick, don't —"

"You're her kingsmage. You should be her kingsmage." His eyebrows were high, his voice certain, but all Sel could feel was the wretched taste of his words. "I know it's supposed to be a permanent bond, but I — I release you. We'll find a way to —"

"Stop." Sel's mouth was dry, but he managed to force the word out. Nick finally fell silent, but the suggestion echoed around his head on a sickening loop. He knew his duty, and for the first time since he was a heartbroken teenager left behind by the boy he'd idolised, he wished he could forsake it all. "Just stop."

They stood in the middle of Nick's bedroom, staring at each other. Nick's heart was beating out of his chest, but as Sel watched, he quickly pulled himself together. Sel knew the panic he was feeling, but it wouldn't help anybody, and Nick quickly realised the same. Nick turned his head slightly, breaking the tension of the moment. A few deep breaths and a clenched jaw later, he met Sel's gaze once more. "I'm going to stay here and keep an eye on Bree," he said evenly. Something flashed in his eyes. "And I think we both know how invested you are in her well-being."

So they were swapping one tension fraught topic for another. Wonderful.

He didn't deny it. There was no point, but he wasn't going to buy into Nick's pity party. It didn't matter anyway — her eyes were only for him. He took that knowledge and let it turn him to stone — Nick didn't get to see what was in his heart. "If you're not going to come down, then at least get some rest."

His words had the desired effect. Nick's gaze sharpened immediately, his accusatory tone turning irritable. "You're never going to stop telling me what to do, are you?" He scoffed, shaking his head, sinking quickly back into bitterness. Sel couldn't blame him for the emotional back and forth, not after tonight. It wasn't just the fact that a fundamental part of his identity had been ripped from him. It was that his girlfriend was his unwitting usurper. It was that his father had put him in danger for his own gains. That his father had been working with their enemy for  _ years _ . "And it was all for a lie."

Did he really think that was the only reason Sel had stood by him all these years? He really had no idea, he realised. Not about all the nights he'd watched his back in the years since he'd abdicated his position. Not about the demons he'd killed without his knowledge, demons who thought they could take a piece of the boy who didn't want to be king. Not about how he'd felt.

Nick didn't need to be Arthur's scion for every fibre of Sel's being to need to protect him.

"If you think the only reason that I've looked out for you," he said softly, "that I've stood by you for all these years, is because you're my king, then you're a bigger fool than I thought."

As soon as the words were out there, Sel wished he could call them back. Nick's brow furrowed, and then his eyes widened a fraction. Sel narrowed his in response — he wasn't interested in dealing with whatever was going through his mind right now. Let him deal with whatever realisation he was having alone. "Keep an eye on her," he said instead, with a nod to the bed behind Nick. He didn't look at Bree — didn't want to give Nick another opening. "But don't forget your duty to the Order."

Nick closed up, his face suddenly and carefully guarded. "My duty right now is to her."

_ Exactly _ . He arched an eyebrow. "I'll see you downstairs when you're ready."

He didn't give Nick another shot at him. Turning on his heel, he reached the door in three long strides, putting Nick's room behind him before he could attempt the last word. He was done talking about pointless things. He had work to do, and if Nick wanted to babysit Bree instead of helping, then more power to him.

Or so he told himself, and stamped down his relief that Bree had someone like Nick watching over her.

He would think about what this all meant for him later. What this meant for his oaths. What it meant for him and Nick. Him and Bree.

The only thing that mattered right now was finding Lord Davis. He'd get a head start on a plan, and bring everyone else in on it in the morning.

They'd be safe in the house until then.


End file.
